Justin (woops_i_odd) wrote,

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I Just Need A Landfill For My Emotions

Days like this are hard. I've come a long way in a short time. I've gained weight, and not just weight, but muscle. I'm on my way to being as good of a drummer as I've ever been. I'm writing songs I'm really proud of. I learned to ride a bike. I'm learning new things every day. Most importantly, I'm learning to believe in myself, no matter what. After all this, there's still a long way to go. I'm still fragile and a little lost. I can put my body through the ringer and my mind seems strong enough to keep it going, but when my mind is tired everything else falls apart. There's a lot to look forward to in the next few months and I lot I want to accomplish. Days like today though, I find myself tired, without any real motivation at all. I just want to lay in bed, watch tv, and relax. When I do, though, my mind runs wild. I want to love. In my self discovery, that's been going on longer than the events of the past couple months, I decided the meaning in my life is love. To really take part in the experience of being alive and find beauty where I can. It's these times alone when my heart wants to feel that love someone shares with me. I know I don't need it and I don't just want to fill the void, but the unrequited love I do have makes me insecure. Every now and then you just need validation, and I think on days like this I really do want someone to make me feel special, loved. I know I have a lot of great people around that support me and are there for me. I just don't want to become someones chore. I know I just have to fight through these days. These feelings won't last forever and everything will work out. Sometimes, though, I just wish the light would come sooner than expected. There's still a journey ahead of me, but I'm ready to find out what the next chapter of my life holds.
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